Monday, April 20, 2009

Getting What You Need

I've seen a lot in the news lately about people feeling panicked about the economy, or losing their jobs, or losing all the money they have stashed away in their retirement funds. It's crazy, when you think about it...getting all worked up over paper and numbers and such. I like to play with a paper ball every now and then, but otherwise, I find paper to be largely useful for defining a space to sit on, or tearing to shreds to get a person's attention, or pushing off the desk just for fun.

If you want to talk about panic, the only thing to really worry about is if there will be enough food at the next meal time. I get a little worried when I start hearing the cup scrape on the bottom of the kibble container, but more food always shows up sooner or later in those thick blue paper bags (another good use for paper) and it's easy to nibble a little hole in the corner if you get really hungry.

I've determined that there's really only one way to get what you need: Make sure you bite the ankle of any person who enters your feeding area, whether it's mealtime or not (just in case it might be). Sometimes people can be really stupid; they don't notice what you need, even if it seems obvious. You look them right in the eye with The Death Stare, and still, they go about their business as if you're not even there.

I prefer to ensure success by giving a little reminder bite. This isn't something that would actually hurt anyone, or require medical attention or reporting to the county animal control. It's just the most powerful means of communication you may have, given the language limitations and all. People usually jump a little, squeal, say something I can't repeat in good company, and reach for the scoop. It works like a charm...every time.

Who needs assertiveness training? I say, "If you've got teeth, bite."

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Quality of a Sunbeam

Today was a good day for sunbeams. I found them in some of my favorite places; I enjoyed much of the morning and afternoon in a lovely beam on the bed in the green bedroom, then wandered out to the deck for the last rays of day. I can't tell you enough how glad I am that the cold white stuff is gone from the yard. The dogs can have it!

People don't spend enough time in sunbeams. They sleep during the dark hours, and leave the house in the early mornings, just when the rays are choosing their favorite house spots. Then the people come back to the house when it's almost dark again. So gone from the best parts of life.

When testing a sunbeam, it's important to ensure that the fur on one's tummy is adequately heated. When it reaches the right temperature, it's time to rotate to the side, and then to the back, then to the other side, and around again. The only reason to move from this spot is if the sunbeam moves (I'm not certain why this happens), or if it happens to be time for Breakfast, Second Breakfast, Early Lunch, Late Lunch, Afternoon Snack, Dinner, or Dessert. (There is also Late Dinner, Bedtime Snack and Midnight Snack, but there are no sunbeams during these events.)

So what good is a sunbeam to a person? It seems so simple, but if I must explain, here you go: You can't really control a sunbeam, so you just have to find it where it is. Put yourself where the sunbeams are every day, and your life will be instantly better, and you will finally be happy. If the sunbeam moves, MOVE with it. Duh.

Perhaps tomorrow we'll discuss what to do when you're hungry?