Monday, April 20, 2009

Getting What You Need

I've seen a lot in the news lately about people feeling panicked about the economy, or losing their jobs, or losing all the money they have stashed away in their retirement funds. It's crazy, when you think about it...getting all worked up over paper and numbers and such. I like to play with a paper ball every now and then, but otherwise, I find paper to be largely useful for defining a space to sit on, or tearing to shreds to get a person's attention, or pushing off the desk just for fun.

If you want to talk about panic, the only thing to really worry about is if there will be enough food at the next meal time. I get a little worried when I start hearing the cup scrape on the bottom of the kibble container, but more food always shows up sooner or later in those thick blue paper bags (another good use for paper) and it's easy to nibble a little hole in the corner if you get really hungry.

I've determined that there's really only one way to get what you need: Make sure you bite the ankle of any person who enters your feeding area, whether it's mealtime or not (just in case it might be). Sometimes people can be really stupid; they don't notice what you need, even if it seems obvious. You look them right in the eye with The Death Stare, and still, they go about their business as if you're not even there.

I prefer to ensure success by giving a little reminder bite. This isn't something that would actually hurt anyone, or require medical attention or reporting to the county animal control. It's just the most powerful means of communication you may have, given the language limitations and all. People usually jump a little, squeal, say something I can't repeat in good company, and reach for the scoop. It works like a charm...every time.

Who needs assertiveness training? I say, "If you've got teeth, bite."

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